I always swore this wouldn't be my life.

A full pill box.

Granted, it is mostly multivitamins and supplements, but there are real prescriptions in there, too. One, to treat an unexplained inflammation, and another to treat the possible destruction of my stomach as a result of the first. It is the start of a downward spiral that I don't want to get sucked into.


 I've made excuses for years. I've continued to promise myself with each life event that "this is the perfect opportunity" to start again. Well, I keep failing, and I am SO. TIRED. OF. FAILING.

I was watching various women who appear to be my age and older today as I was shopping. I was taking note of their body shapes, their posture, their skin, hairstyle, clothing. I noted what I want to be and what I am becoming. They are *very* different people. But what is the difference?

Fitness. Confidence. One obviously cared about herself and was not ashamed of that fact, and the other obviously did not.

Rather, it isn't that the second type didn't care about herself. She did. But she *felt* old. She *felt* unattractive. She obviously put others before herself to the detriment of herself. She was dressed decently though certainly not stylishly. Her hair was done and makeup on, but very "age appropriate" and grandmotherly.

The first type, however, was sporty, outgoing, with excellent posture and bright clear skin.

It really was one type or the other.

Guess which type I am becoming?

Oh lordy, no. SCREEEECH! We're bringing that train to a HALT and reversing course!