I've just sort of unofficially completed something like a "Phase 1" of my transformation.
For the past month, I've been working out 3-4 times per week with intense cardio and heavy weights. I have been tracking my food religiously, and counting my calories. I have lost six pounds and am seeing some small changes to my body.
Now it is time for "Phase 2". It is time to make official what my goals are, my plans, and my path to get there.
Bodybuilding.com has a fitness plan called Zero to Hero in One Year that is exactly what I'm looking for. I have been following the workout schedule for two week and really like it. It is efficient and straightforward and undoubtedly effective.I have also started the Hundred Pushup Challenge which has a handy little app to help.
What makes things different, as of this moment, is that I am jumping in whole hog. No more toe-in-the-water type thing. Time to JUMP.
I've been telling people that I am considering making a goal of doing a figure competition by this time next year. I say it with a laugh, and continue to give myself an "out". Well, I'm done with that. This is it.
By October 1, 2014, I will be in a condition to compete.
There, I said it.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Transformation update.
One month in and things are going well.
I'd like to introduce you to a terrific little app that I've been using to help me track my food and exercise. This is unlike any app, program, or system I've used in the past. It is not terrifically easy to use and very positive.
Noom Weight Loss Coach
I think the thing that really sold me on it, though, is that the exercise calories aren't one for one. Just because you burned 500 calories doesn't mean you can eat 500 more, as many plans allow you to do. I don't know what their algorithm is, but it makes a whole lot more sense.
My current struggle is my love of sugar and other junk overrides my good sense. I can stay within my calorie limit, but I "spend" it on Hershey bars and potato chips. Even with my awesome workouts this past month, I won't see the changes I want to unless I get the diet under control.
This week I'm going to make a terrific effort to get this diet ball rolling. Lets see how this goes.
I'd like to introduce you to a terrific little app that I've been using to help me track my food and exercise. This is unlike any app, program, or system I've used in the past. It is not terrifically easy to use and very positive.
Noom Weight Loss Coach
I think the thing that really sold me on it, though, is that the exercise calories aren't one for one. Just because you burned 500 calories doesn't mean you can eat 500 more, as many plans allow you to do. I don't know what their algorithm is, but it makes a whole lot more sense.
My current struggle is my love of sugar and other junk overrides my good sense. I can stay within my calorie limit, but I "spend" it on Hershey bars and potato chips. Even with my awesome workouts this past month, I won't see the changes I want to unless I get the diet under control.
This week I'm going to make a terrific effort to get this diet ball rolling. Lets see how this goes.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Extremes.
These last few weeks have been some of the worst I have experienced in my life. I suppose I should count my blessings that this is the worst it has been, but at the same time I cannot excuse it and cannot allow it to continue.
Starting with the suicide of one of my dearest friends and the animalistic drama following, adding in the concern that my beloved grandfather may be getting tried for murder following an accident in which his daughter, my aunt, was killed (as if he hasn't suffered enough), adding in numerous instances where my faith in community and mankind has been repeatedly crushed...well, I am simply starting to fall apart at the seams myself.
I am somewhat unsure how to proceed. I know that I have to regroup, but it seems like such a monstrous task.
There are certain things that I know will help, such as yoga, meditation, and healthful eating. I am going to spend some time putting myself first for once.
Starting with the suicide of one of my dearest friends and the animalistic drama following, adding in the concern that my beloved grandfather may be getting tried for murder following an accident in which his daughter, my aunt, was killed (as if he hasn't suffered enough), adding in numerous instances where my faith in community and mankind has been repeatedly crushed...well, I am simply starting to fall apart at the seams myself.
I am somewhat unsure how to proceed. I know that I have to regroup, but it seems like such a monstrous task.
There are certain things that I know will help, such as yoga, meditation, and healthful eating. I am going to spend some time putting myself first for once.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Vegan challenge, day 1!
Day one went off without a hitch. Almost.
I did manage to down an ENTIRE box of gluten free cookies. Yeah. That wasn't good. But it was vegan.
Breakfast was not pleasant. I made crock-pot oatmeal as follows:
1 c. steel cut oats
4 c. unsweetened almond milk
1 tbsp cinnamon
2 chopped apples
Cook on low for 8 hours
It came out like porridge, which in itself isn't bad, but my sweet-tooth was entirely unsatisfied.
Of course, that is part of the point of this challenge, isn't it?
I've got it in the fridge for tomorrow, but I will be adding a very little fresh squeezed cane juice and some salt on the suggestion of some friends.
Lunch was a disgusting vegetable juice drink. NOT pleasant and made me gag.
Dinner, now that's something different. I figured it would be safe to have a pasta dish as my first vegan dinner. After all, I love pasta, so what could go wrong?
Nothing. Nothing went wrong. This is delicious.
I made Pasta and Vegetables with White Sauce with the suggested additions of sun dried tomatoes and kalamata olives from my new favorite blog Fat Free Vegan Kitchen. Here's how it looks:
Granted, its a terrible image, but you get the idea. Basically, its a toss of steamed veggies, (gluten free) pasta, and a sauce based on almond milk and nutritional yeast plus spices. Not much that can go wrong with this.
So yes, now I have a wonderful lunch for tomorrow, and time to make yet another recipe for dinner.
I can do this.
I did manage to down an ENTIRE box of gluten free cookies. Yeah. That wasn't good. But it was vegan.
Breakfast was not pleasant. I made crock-pot oatmeal as follows:
1 c. steel cut oats
4 c. unsweetened almond milk
1 tbsp cinnamon
2 chopped apples
Cook on low for 8 hours
It came out like porridge, which in itself isn't bad, but my sweet-tooth was entirely unsatisfied.
Of course, that is part of the point of this challenge, isn't it?
I've got it in the fridge for tomorrow, but I will be adding a very little fresh squeezed cane juice and some salt on the suggestion of some friends.
Lunch was a disgusting vegetable juice drink. NOT pleasant and made me gag.
Dinner, now that's something different. I figured it would be safe to have a pasta dish as my first vegan dinner. After all, I love pasta, so what could go wrong?
Nothing. Nothing went wrong. This is delicious.
I made Pasta and Vegetables with White Sauce with the suggested additions of sun dried tomatoes and kalamata olives from my new favorite blog Fat Free Vegan Kitchen. Here's how it looks:
Granted, its a terrible image, but you get the idea. Basically, its a toss of steamed veggies, (gluten free) pasta, and a sauce based on almond milk and nutritional yeast plus spices. Not much that can go wrong with this.
So yes, now I have a wonderful lunch for tomorrow, and time to make yet another recipe for dinner.
I can do this.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
BIG week.
Lasik. Perfect opportunity to change my life around.
The operation went swimmingly, and I am still shocked that I can see. There's a little fog, but geez - I'm not even 24 hours out of surgery.
I was checking out my husband today as he was getting ready to leave on his business trip. That boy has gotten FINE. Like, crazy-hot-FINE. He's been working out five days per week for the past two years, and has made a complete dietary turnaround. Though he still allows himself some beer, and occasionally some dessert, it is very appropriate. Unlike me, who thinks there should be something sweet at every meal...heck...that something sweet should BE the meal, he treats it like it is supposed to be treated. A treat.
We're talking about a boy who used to drink multiple 2-litres of Coke daily. And entire dozens of cookies at a sitting. Though he never was fat (since I've known him) he was certainly doughy.
Not any more.
So though the title of this blog is "Little Steps...", I am going to attempt a HUGE one this week while he is away. I'm going to be 80% vegan this week. And yes, I'm allowing myself 20% leeway due to the fact that I 1) don't want to waste what is already in my fridge and 2) would rather eat my homegrown chicken than some processed fake-meat.
I've pulled several wonderful sounding recipes off of various blogs. I'll make them and post a review here.
It might be a couple days before I can truly start since I am not cleared to drive yet, but once I do you'll know about it.
A couple hours later...
Oh boy, this is going to be harder than I realized. Went out to lunch with a friend and immediately gave in to a meal I should *not* have eaten.
The operation went swimmingly, and I am still shocked that I can see. There's a little fog, but geez - I'm not even 24 hours out of surgery.
I was checking out my husband today as he was getting ready to leave on his business trip. That boy has gotten FINE. Like, crazy-hot-FINE. He's been working out five days per week for the past two years, and has made a complete dietary turnaround. Though he still allows himself some beer, and occasionally some dessert, it is very appropriate. Unlike me, who thinks there should be something sweet at every meal...heck...that something sweet should BE the meal, he treats it like it is supposed to be treated. A treat.
We're talking about a boy who used to drink multiple 2-litres of Coke daily. And entire dozens of cookies at a sitting. Though he never was fat (since I've known him) he was certainly doughy.
Not any more.
So though the title of this blog is "Little Steps...", I am going to attempt a HUGE one this week while he is away. I'm going to be 80% vegan this week. And yes, I'm allowing myself 20% leeway due to the fact that I 1) don't want to waste what is already in my fridge and 2) would rather eat my homegrown chicken than some processed fake-meat.
I've pulled several wonderful sounding recipes off of various blogs. I'll make them and post a review here.
It might be a couple days before I can truly start since I am not cleared to drive yet, but once I do you'll know about it.
A couple hours later...
Oh boy, this is going to be harder than I realized. Went out to lunch with a friend and immediately gave in to a meal I should *not* have eaten.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Struggling already.
Not feeling it today, but not willing to give up, either.
How can I pursue healthy, vegetarian/vegan meals when I don't particularly like vegetables?
About three hours later...
In an attempt to redirect myself, I logged into Netflix with the specific goal of watching a movie to inspire me. One that would remind me of why I want to eat healthy, why I want to work out, and why I want to start practicing what I preach.
I ended up with Food Fight, the documentary and am *so* glad I did. It was extremely well done, positive, and inspiring. Alice Waters comes off as a down to earth foodie who did not set out to start a food revolution, but simply wanted to share her love of good, real food. It talks about the politics of food and the history of farming and convenience foods in America, but never takes a doomsday tone. No over-the-top threatening music, no lecturing. Simply good, educational conversation.
I'm back on track now, and starting to put together my plans for the upcoming week.
Heck yeah.
How can I pursue healthy, vegetarian/vegan meals when I don't particularly like vegetables?
About three hours later...
In an attempt to redirect myself, I logged into Netflix with the specific goal of watching a movie to inspire me. One that would remind me of why I want to eat healthy, why I want to work out, and why I want to start practicing what I preach.
I ended up with Food Fight, the documentary and am *so* glad I did. It was extremely well done, positive, and inspiring. Alice Waters comes off as a down to earth foodie who did not set out to start a food revolution, but simply wanted to share her love of good, real food. It talks about the politics of food and the history of farming and convenience foods in America, but never takes a doomsday tone. No over-the-top threatening music, no lecturing. Simply good, educational conversation.
I'm back on track now, and starting to put together my plans for the upcoming week.
Heck yeah.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Resolutions.
The last few days have been an interesting experiment, and I cannot deny that on my "clean eating challenge" days I felt significantly better, less stressed, more event in temperament and energy.
Yesterday I went full bore the opposite way. Pre-packaged sugar. All. Day. Long.
And I felt terrible emotionally as well as physically.
Another clean eating challenge begins tomorrow, but I'm going for two days in a row. Yup, one step at a time, right?
And I'm adding something, too. I will start the Hundred Push Up Challenge as well as the Two Hundred Sit Up Challenge.
Here we go.
Yesterday I went full bore the opposite way. Pre-packaged sugar. All. Day. Long.
And I felt terrible emotionally as well as physically.
Another clean eating challenge begins tomorrow, but I'm going for two days in a row. Yup, one step at a time, right?
And I'm adding something, too. I will start the Hundred Push Up Challenge as well as the Two Hundred Sit Up Challenge.
Here we go.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
2nd One-Day Clean Eating Challenge
So, yesterday I celebrated the successful completion on my one-day challenge by allowing myself to eat whatever I wanted. I even went to the grocery store and bought junk food. Yup, junk food, including two Mexican Cokes (glass bottles, real sugar), Ian's GF chicken nuggets, chocolate ice cream, Betty Crocker GF chocolate chip cookie mix (seriously!) and a GF chocolate bar.
Got home, skimmed the melted ice cream of the top and that was enough.
Drank one of the Cokes, and that was enough.
A couple hours later, I ate the nuggets and they made me sick.
Made the cookie mix and hated it (I used to love it!)
The chocolate bar was consumed before I even left the parking lot, of course.
I was shocked at how just that one day of totally clean eating had changed my taste buds. Maybe it was all in my head, but that's fine if it is.
Today I'll do another one-day challenge and again report on my progress.
Weight: 189.5
Woke up: 7:30 after pressing the snooze for one hour (alarm first went off at 6:30!)
7:30am
Energy: Good
Mood: Positive
Breakfast:
Smoothie (Plain fat free yogurt, strawberries, frozen blueberries, frozen mango, banana, flax meal)
10:00am
Energy: Moderate
Mood: STRESSED
Snack:
YIKES. Finished the last serving of yesterday's ice cream.
11:30am
Energy: Good
Mood: STRESSED
Snack:
1 large Banana
1:30pm
Energy: Low
Mood: Resigned
Lunch:
Leftover roast chicken and root vegetables
Almond milk
4:30pm
Energy: Moderate
Mood: Frustrated
Snack:
Banana
1 c. whole milk (no skim in the house)
6:00pm
Energy: Poor
Mood: Frustrated
Snack:
1/2 c fat free plain greek yogurt
4 fresh strawberries
1/2 tsp organic sugar
7:30pm
Energy: Good
Mood: Resigned, good
Dinner:
Salad with feta and chicken, balsamic dressing
Coke (planned decision).
Conclusion? Ok day. Not great. Considering the incredible stress of the day, I'm really quite proud of myself. This is the kind of day that deserved 10 Hershey bars. Amazingly, the yogurt and strawberries is what did the job for me...I like that.
Got home, skimmed the melted ice cream of the top and that was enough.
Drank one of the Cokes, and that was enough.
A couple hours later, I ate the nuggets and they made me sick.
Made the cookie mix and hated it (I used to love it!)
The chocolate bar was consumed before I even left the parking lot, of course.
I was shocked at how just that one day of totally clean eating had changed my taste buds. Maybe it was all in my head, but that's fine if it is.
Today I'll do another one-day challenge and again report on my progress.
Weight: 189.5
Woke up: 7:30 after pressing the snooze for one hour (alarm first went off at 6:30!)
7:30am
Energy: Good
Mood: Positive
Breakfast:
Smoothie (Plain fat free yogurt, strawberries, frozen blueberries, frozen mango, banana, flax meal)
10:00am
Energy: Moderate
Mood: STRESSED
Snack:
YIKES. Finished the last serving of yesterday's ice cream.
11:30am
Energy: Good
Mood: STRESSED
Snack:
1 large Banana
1:30pm
Energy: Low
Mood: Resigned
Lunch:
Leftover roast chicken and root vegetables
Almond milk
4:30pm
Energy: Moderate
Mood: Frustrated
Snack:
Banana
1 c. whole milk (no skim in the house)
6:00pm
Energy: Poor
Mood: Frustrated
Snack:
1/2 c fat free plain greek yogurt
4 fresh strawberries
1/2 tsp organic sugar
7:30pm
Energy: Good
Mood: Resigned, good
Dinner:
Salad with feta and chicken, balsamic dressing
Coke (planned decision).
Conclusion? Ok day. Not great. Considering the incredible stress of the day, I'm really quite proud of myself. This is the kind of day that deserved 10 Hershey bars. Amazingly, the yogurt and strawberries is what did the job for me...I like that.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
One Day Clean Eating Challenge.
With my glasses, I have a really hard time exercising. But that doesn't mean I have to "put off" my health kick!
Today I am doing a One-Day Clean Eating Challenge. I'll post everything I eat here plus some stats and coordinating information, and we can analyze it at the end of the day.
Weight: 189.5
Woke up: 7:30 after pressing the snooze for one hour (alarm first went off at 6:30!)
8:15am
Energy: Lacking
Mood: Positive
Breakfast:
Smoothie (Plain fat free yogurt, strawberries, frozen blueberries, frozen mango, banana)
12:15pm
Energy: Lacking
Mood: Depressed, feelings of worthlessness and frustration.
Lunch:
Turkey burger with feta and spinach, mixed greens salad with carrots and simple lemon/olive oil dressing, fresh strawberries, 16oz water with lemon slice.
3:10pm
Energy: Moderate
Mood: Normal, focused on the jobs at hand.
Snack:
1/2 Papaya with fresh lemon juice.
4:30pm
Energy: Good
Mood: Overwhelmed, frustrated, but focused
I started getting a *serious* sugar craving. Decided to try to stop it with a high protein snack.
Snack:
3 eggs, scrambled, from our backyard hens.
1 cup original Almond milk. (Sweetened, but it is what I had. Actually tastes too sweet.)
7:30pm
Energy: Waning
Mood: Overwhelmed, but not unhappy.
Snack:
Fat free greek yogurt with fresh strawberries.
(I admit, I added about 1 tsp. organic sugar. Whoops.)
8:30pm
Energy: Stable, but winding down.
Mood: Frustrated but tolerable
Dinner
1 natural, pasture raised pork chop
HUGE green salad with lemon olive oil dressing
Conclusion:
It has been a good day, though I definitely struggled with overeating. My sugar craving was satiated by the protein blast of scrambled eggs which was really quite wonderful. I remained snacky for the rest of the evening, though, and I don't know if it was true hunger or boredom. Hard to imagine it would be boredom with everything I do and need to do.
I think I will take tomorrow off and not stress over my food. One day on, one day off?
Today I am doing a One-Day Clean Eating Challenge. I'll post everything I eat here plus some stats and coordinating information, and we can analyze it at the end of the day.
Weight: 189.5
Woke up: 7:30 after pressing the snooze for one hour (alarm first went off at 6:30!)
8:15am
Energy: Lacking
Mood: Positive
Breakfast:
Smoothie (Plain fat free yogurt, strawberries, frozen blueberries, frozen mango, banana)
12:15pm
Energy: Lacking
Mood: Depressed, feelings of worthlessness and frustration.
Lunch:
Turkey burger with feta and spinach, mixed greens salad with carrots and simple lemon/olive oil dressing, fresh strawberries, 16oz water with lemon slice.
3:10pm
Energy: Moderate
Mood: Normal, focused on the jobs at hand.
Snack:
1/2 Papaya with fresh lemon juice.
4:30pm
Energy: Good
Mood: Overwhelmed, frustrated, but focused
I started getting a *serious* sugar craving. Decided to try to stop it with a high protein snack.
Snack:
3 eggs, scrambled, from our backyard hens.
1 cup original Almond milk. (Sweetened, but it is what I had. Actually tastes too sweet.)
7:30pm
Energy: Waning
Mood: Overwhelmed, but not unhappy.
Snack:
Fat free greek yogurt with fresh strawberries.
(I admit, I added about 1 tsp. organic sugar. Whoops.)
8:30pm
Energy: Stable, but winding down.
Mood: Frustrated but tolerable
Dinner
1 natural, pasture raised pork chop
HUGE green salad with lemon olive oil dressing
Conclusion:
It has been a good day, though I definitely struggled with overeating. My sugar craving was satiated by the protein blast of scrambled eggs which was really quite wonderful. I remained snacky for the rest of the evening, though, and I don't know if it was true hunger or boredom. Hard to imagine it would be boredom with everything I do and need to do.
I think I will take tomorrow off and not stress over my food. One day on, one day off?
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Its about self-respect.
Every night this past week as I lay in bed, I have promised myself that I would be strong the next day. That I would resist the temptations of poor food choices and general laziness. That I would exercise just a little and treat myself well.
Every day I have failed.
I have asked for help from the spiritual world I believe in. I have looked within myself as well as without. I have not found the will.
Tonight, sitting at trivia with the people I call my friends I realized that it is about self-respect. Nothing more, nothing mysterious. It is a continuation of my need for external admiration, for obvious applause. I still struggle with the need for people to tell me verbally and often that I am wonderful, that I am something special.
It is something I have never learned to do for myself. I've always depended on an outside source. And when I don't get it? I believe that I have failed, that I am unworthy. I am nothing.
The one thing I want more than anything in the world is to develop internal pride, a sense of self-worth independent of what others think, say or do.
Is that too much to ask?
Every day I have failed.
I have asked for help from the spiritual world I believe in. I have looked within myself as well as without. I have not found the will.
Tonight, sitting at trivia with the people I call my friends I realized that it is about self-respect. Nothing more, nothing mysterious. It is a continuation of my need for external admiration, for obvious applause. I still struggle with the need for people to tell me verbally and often that I am wonderful, that I am something special.
It is something I have never learned to do for myself. I've always depended on an outside source. And when I don't get it? I believe that I have failed, that I am unworthy. I am nothing.
The one thing I want more than anything in the world is to develop internal pride, a sense of self-worth independent of what others think, say or do.
Is that too much to ask?
Friday, April 26, 2013
At what point are you able to just move on?
Once again I find myself bawling, sitting here in front of the screen trying to find out how to run away, start all over again.
Once again I am reminded like a slap in the face that I will never be a mother.
The wife of a friend just announced that she is pregnant. And instead of being happy for her, I am wracked with pain, with a feeling of being incomplete. A failure. While I should be congratulating her, I am instead wallowing in my own little hell.
When will I get over this? When will I ever just accept the fact that motherhood is not in my future?
Will I ever be ok with it? Will I ever be content with all of the wonderful things that my life is made up of?
Why am I so horrible?
Once again I am reminded like a slap in the face that I will never be a mother.
The wife of a friend just announced that she is pregnant. And instead of being happy for her, I am wracked with pain, with a feeling of being incomplete. A failure. While I should be congratulating her, I am instead wallowing in my own little hell.
When will I get over this? When will I ever just accept the fact that motherhood is not in my future?
Will I ever be ok with it? Will I ever be content with all of the wonderful things that my life is made up of?
Why am I so horrible?
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Not a peon.
That does it.
I am 40 years old. I have no business being in a position where I am a peon. I am educated, and intelligent. How the hell did I let this happen?
No matter. I love my job, and I have had a good run. This is my last week before I move on to the next phase in my life and I am happy for it.
Lots of changes coming up. I've got work to do.
I am 40 years old. I have no business being in a position where I am a peon. I am educated, and intelligent. How the hell did I let this happen?
No matter. I love my job, and I have had a good run. This is my last week before I move on to the next phase in my life and I am happy for it.
Lots of changes coming up. I've got work to do.
Monday, April 22, 2013
I always swore this wouldn't be my life.
A full pill box.Granted, it is mostly multivitamins and supplements, but there are real prescriptions in there, too. One, to treat an unexplained inflammation, and another to treat the possible destruction of my stomach as a result of the first. It is the start of a downward spiral that I don't want to get sucked into.
I've made excuses for years. I've continued to promise myself with each life event that "this is the perfect opportunity" to start again. Well, I keep failing, and I am SO. TIRED. OF. FAILING.
I was watching various women who appear to be my age and older today as I was shopping. I was taking note of their body shapes, their posture, their skin, hairstyle, clothing. I noted what I want to be and what I am becoming. They are *very* different people. But what is the difference?
Fitness. Confidence. One obviously cared about herself and was not ashamed of that fact, and the other obviously did not.
Rather, it isn't that the second type didn't care about herself. She did. But she *felt* old. She *felt* unattractive. She obviously put others before herself to the detriment of herself. She was dressed decently though certainly not stylishly. Her hair was done and makeup on, but very "age appropriate" and grandmotherly.
The first type, however, was sporty, outgoing, with excellent posture and bright clear skin.
It really was one type or the other.
Guess which type I am becoming?
Oh lordy, no. SCREEEECH! We're bringing that train to a HALT and reversing course!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
One year goal: Fit Punk
It is time for me to start visualizing my life. It is time to set some goals and make. Things. HAPPEN.
One year from now, May 1, 2014.
* I will run a 5k.
* I will weigh less than 150 pounds.
* I will be no more than a size 10.
* I will do at least 15 push ups.
I'm going to start there. Seems simple and straightforward, and that's what I need.
One year from now, May 1, 2014.
* I will run a 5k.
* I will weigh less than 150 pounds.
* I will be no more than a size 10.
* I will do at least 15 push ups.
I'm going to start there. Seems simple and straightforward, and that's what I need.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Spending money for good cause.
Massive shopping trip today, about $200 spent on food.
While my jaw dropped at the price tag, I came home with LOTS of food. Good food. Real food.
So what's on the menu this week?
I've got three recipes from this month's Clean Eating Magazine, including Eggplant & Sweet Potato Stir Fry, Smoked Salmon Dill Spread (with carrot sticks), and Chicken Sweet Potato Hash.
Stacked Roasted Vegetable Enchiladas
“Creamy” Chicken Tomato Soup
Lots of incredibly yummy, healthy stuff. Plus, I picked up no small amount of fresh fruit for snacks.
My goal for this week is simple: I will follow the mantra of my new favorite food blog, Thug Kitchen.
"Eat Like You Give a Fuck."
Which reminds me, there is one more recipe: Spinach Cooler
Alright, off to do a little meditation, then a little work. Peace out, ya'll.
While my jaw dropped at the price tag, I came home with LOTS of food. Good food. Real food.
So what's on the menu this week?
I've got three recipes from this month's Clean Eating Magazine, including Eggplant & Sweet Potato Stir Fry, Smoked Salmon Dill Spread (with carrot sticks), and Chicken Sweet Potato Hash.
Stacked Roasted Vegetable Enchiladas
Lots of incredibly yummy, healthy stuff. Plus, I picked up no small amount of fresh fruit for snacks.
My goal for this week is simple: I will follow the mantra of my new favorite food blog, Thug Kitchen.
"Eat Like You Give a Fuck."
Which reminds me, there is one more recipe: Spinach Cooler
Alright, off to do a little meditation, then a little work. Peace out, ya'll.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Eat like you give a fuck.
A neighbor just posted the most AMAZING blog to Facebook, and I have to share it here, if only to keep it on my mind.
Thug Kitchen. Eat Like You Give a Fuck.
Weighed myself this morning and found a shocking 190 pounds. I've gained TWELVE FUCKING POUNDS. I feel it. I feel thick, swollen.
Granted, I just came off an ultra-high dose of prednisone and knew I would gain weight and swell. But this, this ain't cool.
Back on the bandwagon again.
This time, however, I'm meditating on it. I'm asking for a little help from the universe around me. I don't do that often, but I need it this time.
So here we go...
Thug Kitchen. Eat Like You Give a Fuck.
Weighed myself this morning and found a shocking 190 pounds. I've gained TWELVE FUCKING POUNDS. I feel it. I feel thick, swollen.
Granted, I just came off an ultra-high dose of prednisone and knew I would gain weight and swell. But this, this ain't cool.
Back on the bandwagon again.
This time, however, I'm meditating on it. I'm asking for a little help from the universe around me. I don't do that often, but I need it this time.
So here we go...
Friday, March 29, 2013
Big wake-up call today.
Over the past few days, I've had increasing pain in my left middle knuckle. No problem, been through that before.
Last night, however, it started to swell, and the pain become almost unbearable. I could not keep a grip on the stretcher to lift patients, and carrying equipment was torture. Thank god for firefighters.
Already had an appointment at the doctor today for an unrelated follow up, and was told that it could be a traumatic injury (from what, I have no idea), but it looks more like some type of non-traumatic joint inflammation. Both hands show signs of swelling, though the pain is only in my left. Rheumatoid arthritis? Lupus? Some other disease of the connective system? Or just a one-time-only inflammation?
Anyway, it is terrifying. The thought of not being able to use my hands is inconceivable.
Back on the ball, Nate. Back on the ball.
Tomorrow I am getting our menu in order. I am cleaning house and getting rid of stuff. I am going to start cooking again, eating real *meals* not the thrown together snacking that we've been doing. And no more Easter candy. That stuff is addictive poison.
Over the past few days, I've had increasing pain in my left middle knuckle. No problem, been through that before.
Last night, however, it started to swell, and the pain become almost unbearable. I could not keep a grip on the stretcher to lift patients, and carrying equipment was torture. Thank god for firefighters.
Already had an appointment at the doctor today for an unrelated follow up, and was told that it could be a traumatic injury (from what, I have no idea), but it looks more like some type of non-traumatic joint inflammation. Both hands show signs of swelling, though the pain is only in my left. Rheumatoid arthritis? Lupus? Some other disease of the connective system? Or just a one-time-only inflammation?
Anyway, it is terrifying. The thought of not being able to use my hands is inconceivable.
Back on the ball, Nate. Back on the ball.
Tomorrow I am getting our menu in order. I am cleaning house and getting rid of stuff. I am going to start cooking again, eating real *meals* not the thrown together snacking that we've been doing. And no more Easter candy. That stuff is addictive poison.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Last night I received some of the most wonderful news of my life, giving me another step in the direction I desire to go.
I was accepted into the post bacc/pre-med program at Agnes Scott College. This is a 12-month program in which students who already have bachelors degrees in unrelated fields can get all of their prerequisites for medical school. It is an incredibly intense program, the only one of its kind on Georgia, and of very good reputation.
The program starts at the end of May, so I have exactly two months to get prepared.
This is huge.
I was accepted into the post bacc/pre-med program at Agnes Scott College. This is a 12-month program in which students who already have bachelors degrees in unrelated fields can get all of their prerequisites for medical school. It is an incredibly intense program, the only one of its kind on Georgia, and of very good reputation.
The program starts at the end of May, so I have exactly two months to get prepared.
This is huge.
Friday, March 15, 2013
In the beginning...
I grew up in a loving, warm, caring and nurturing family. My sister and I knew without a doubt that we were loved and always would be. Our parents would do anything for us, and we wanted for nothing.
The one thing that went wrong, however, was our sense of self-esteem and self-worth. Somehow in all of the love and praise that was heaped upon us, we always felt that we weren't good enough. It is completely backwards of what was expected and what our parents intended.
It even has a name, though I can't remember what it is called right now...some type of syndrome.
My sister and I manifested this in very different ways; she suffers from anorexia and an overriding need to overachieve. I, on the other hand, suffer from obesity and a tendency to underachieve, as if I felt that I can't do it good enough, so why do it at all.
This has led to a life that appears full and happy on the outside, but is not quite so beneath the surface. I find myself unable to take the time to care for myself, feeling guilty about things that other women take for granted. For example, just the act of getting a haircut fills me with guilt and self-loathing, as if I can't imagine what I did to deserve something so costly and time consuming when it served no other purpose but to make me feel good.
Part of this praise syndrome is a need to be recognized, a need to be told "Good job!" or "You look nice!" on a fairly regular basis. Unfortunately, I married a man who does not do those things. He does not comment (heck, he doesn't notice) when I try to dress nicely. He doesn't recognize the work I do around the house. It isn't that he is mean, it just doesn't register with him. Romance? What's that? On top of that he has his own depression and anxiety to deal with. After thirteen years, it has worn me down to a nub.
As a result, I have turned into a person I do not recognize. I see pictures of myself and am shocked that this is ME. I listen to myself speak and cannot recognize the words that come out of my mouth.
I have unconsciously decided that there is no point trying since it won't matter anyway.
This has to change. I have to learn to live for myself instead of the people around me, instead of my husband.
I've decided to start living as if I am single. Not dating, no. I do love my husband and he loves me.
But the rest of my life? Fair game.
This blog will be about this transformation I am attempting...no, not attempting. I am DOING. It will be a completely selfish act, full of girly information and things I didn't learn growing up, such as the proper way to file your nails and how often. It will explore the spirituality I have lost since I got together with my athiest husband. There will be mysticism, tutorials on dreadlocks, recipes. It is where I will learn and grow and feel beautiful.
And I will document the process.
Today's stats:
Weight: 185.5
Food:
The one thing that went wrong, however, was our sense of self-esteem and self-worth. Somehow in all of the love and praise that was heaped upon us, we always felt that we weren't good enough. It is completely backwards of what was expected and what our parents intended.
It even has a name, though I can't remember what it is called right now...some type of syndrome.
My sister and I manifested this in very different ways; she suffers from anorexia and an overriding need to overachieve. I, on the other hand, suffer from obesity and a tendency to underachieve, as if I felt that I can't do it good enough, so why do it at all.
This has led to a life that appears full and happy on the outside, but is not quite so beneath the surface. I find myself unable to take the time to care for myself, feeling guilty about things that other women take for granted. For example, just the act of getting a haircut fills me with guilt and self-loathing, as if I can't imagine what I did to deserve something so costly and time consuming when it served no other purpose but to make me feel good.
Part of this praise syndrome is a need to be recognized, a need to be told "Good job!" or "You look nice!" on a fairly regular basis. Unfortunately, I married a man who does not do those things. He does not comment (heck, he doesn't notice) when I try to dress nicely. He doesn't recognize the work I do around the house. It isn't that he is mean, it just doesn't register with him. Romance? What's that? On top of that he has his own depression and anxiety to deal with. After thirteen years, it has worn me down to a nub.
As a result, I have turned into a person I do not recognize. I see pictures of myself and am shocked that this is ME. I listen to myself speak and cannot recognize the words that come out of my mouth.
I have unconsciously decided that there is no point trying since it won't matter anyway.
This has to change. I have to learn to live for myself instead of the people around me, instead of my husband.
I've decided to start living as if I am single. Not dating, no. I do love my husband and he loves me.
But the rest of my life? Fair game.
This blog will be about this transformation I am attempting...no, not attempting. I am DOING. It will be a completely selfish act, full of girly information and things I didn't learn growing up, such as the proper way to file your nails and how often. It will explore the spirituality I have lost since I got together with my athiest husband. There will be mysticism, tutorials on dreadlocks, recipes. It is where I will learn and grow and feel beautiful.
And I will document the process.
Today's stats:
Weight: 185.5
Food:
- An entire box of Frosted Corn Flakes by Glutino with skim milk, eaten throughout the d
- Gluten Free fried chicken fingers with sweet potato fries and collards at Bantam & Biddy with husband. Dressed in brown linen skirt, black long sleeve tee and new black cowboy boots, did hair, makeup, jewelry. Husband didn't notice.
- Sips of chocolate almond milk
- Mowed the front lawn, but still fighting bronchitis so no more.
"Nice day today, gorgeous weather, feeling almost healthy. The Mower Fairy
fixed my electric lawnmower just by touching it so I even got the weeds
mowed. *And* she loaned me her truck for the weekend so we can work on
the chicken coop and garden beds, and get ready for the husband's bees
in the chicken yard. Great dinner with hubby at Bantam & Biddy. Looking forward to dinner tomorrow with my dear friend Eli Marrs. Dogs and a cat crashed on the bed behind me telling me that its my turn."
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